So I’m in the process of watching Sword of Vengeance (2015, dir. some talentless hack). It’s set in late 11th century England, just after the Norman Conquest of England. I went to grad school for a long time studying medieval Europe, but this film has taught me a lot of things that my formal education somehow managed to miss. I can’t be bothered to figured out the plot of the film. I dunno, I’m guessing it involves vengeance somewhere along the line, based on the title and the protagonist’s constant scowling. So instead, I figure I’d just tell you what this film is teaching me.

1. Northern England has a really tall mountain. I think Peter Jackson filmed the Mt Doom sequence there.
2. The Anglo-Saxons took their landscaping cues from the Blair Witch.
3. Color had not yet been invented in this period.
4. Darkness and fog were extremely common. I think the locals…